This is one of the most valuable pieces of relationship advice I give to clients to really make their relationship work.
You must be willing to risk your relationship to speak what’s true for you.
On the surface, it may seem like it doesn’t make sense. Don’t you want to do everything you can to make it work? How does risking it help?
(Just a note, I’m not talking here about breaking the trust in the relationship)
It helps because the one thing that will cause your relationship to die a slow and painful death is leaving even small things that matter to you unsaid.
I used to never do this. I’d keep things smooth, I didn’t want to rock the boat unnecessarily, I just wanted everything to be good.
It never worked. In fact I killed some pretty amazing relationships by taking this attitude.
Then I decided that no relationship was worth compromising myself. And everything changed
I wasn’t saying things that I knew would rock the boat a bit - and they were the things I really needed to say.
Because I was holding back, she could feel I wasn’t giving all of me.
And things would be nice, but ever so slowly the passion was simply being drained.
I wasn't willing to jump off the edge, I was playing it safe. Too safe.
Thats the thing with women - they know you’re holding back, even if they don’t consciously know it - and they really don’t like that, they want all of you.
Coming into my current relationship, it was one of the things I was really clear on - I was going to have the courage to risk the relationship.
It’s amazing the difference it makes. When there’s nothing unsaid. When there’s a clarity because I know that everything is on the table.
Sometimes it’s really hard to do. You have to pick your moments (I’ll write more about that next week).
To be willing to risk it to speak your truth.
The interesting thing is, most of the time your partner’s reaction won’t be as bad as you think it will be. Especially if you’re savvy with how you communicate about it.
Sure, occasionally it will be worse, but that’s just part of the territory. Your relationship will be stronger when the storm is over.
Being willing to do this is one of the essential ingredients in keeping the passion alive in your relationship.
If you’re still not sure that this is a good thing, let me ask you this.
Do you really want to be with a woman who doesn’t embrace all of who you are?
That stuff you’ve not said and expressed, how’s that going to feel in a year’s time when it’s still sitting there festering away in your relationship?
I’ve coached men through doing this numerous times, and it’s amazing the difference it makes - even guys putting their porn addiction on the table.
The relationship either goes to a whole new level or the you realise this just isn’t the relationship for you - or your partner has to do some work on herself.
Be willing to risk your relationship to speak what’s true for you.
I’d love to know how you go.
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